french maids, teachers and temptation

9 months ago I met a girl, she was cute, a Kiwi and a teacher. When I saw cute, i mean really cute – and sporty too, a must for me in a girl. The problem 9 months ago was that I had a girlfriend, plus a load of excess baggage. 9 months ago, she also had a boyfriend.

I ran into this kiwi chick 2 weeks ago at a music festival and we started chatting, she’s still cute, but without the boyfriend.. I still have a girlfriend and things have been…. uncertain I guess.. I’ve now been invited to a party where she will be dressed as a French Maid (gulp!), while my girlfriend is away for a weekend – is this too much temptation? Am I going to be able to resist it? I’ve tried inviting friends along to keep me in line, but it seems every one is busy. Every time I think about the party I get nervous, I can’t not go, but I’m not sure I should. I guess, if the temptation is that strong, that’s telling me something that I don’t really want to face up to.. Maybe this weekend will be a telling point for me? We’ll see!

back in action? we’ll see..

It’s been 8 months since I’ve written here, time flies.. I haven’t even kept at my “serious” blog that well either, or been up with my photography, but I got inspired by a girl this morning to write in here. She talked about her blog where she writes her dirty little secrets, and how if she hadn’t written about me in there that she’d show it to me.
This got me thinking, I need my ‘dirty little secret’ blog to keep me sane.  You see, I’m one of those people who gets hooked, fixated on a subject.  I’ll get an idea in my head, think about it, turn it into something disastrous and then stress over it.  It builds and builds and builds until I just need to burst and when I do, I go too far…

So, welcome to my pressure relief valve..  Hopefully it won’t just be a whinge, there’ll be some scandal too (there normally is), my life is never without it.. Even if it is the scandal of other people!

heading home..

The moment of truth is just around the corner. I am heading home to visit my family, friends and a beautiful girl who things never quite finished with. This adds complication and nerves to my trip. It could be simple – just heading home to visit family and friends, but no.. i need to change things by involving a girl.

But.. what a girl! I first met her at a party last October while I was trying to get over my ex , and she blew my mind – I soon nicknamed her Hot Wheels.  Singer, artist, beautiful.. what more could a guy want?  We went out a couple of times, had some amazing nights and then the issues with my ex, and the issues with her ex blew up and overtook ‘us’… I never stopped thinking about her and called a couple of months later, she just happened to be in my town – we went out and had a couple more amazing nights and days (I skipped work) before she had to leave.  A month later she called me to say she was moving down.  We spent almost every waking and sleeping moment together for 2 weeks, and when I told my ex things got messy.  Rather than let the mess go too far I ended things with HW and focused on my ex who I still clearly had not got over.

Jump forward 6 months and I am not really talking with the ex, but am exchanging decidedly steamy text messages with HW.. So.. it will be the homecoming I have always dreamed of – an amazing girl at the airport.. but then I have to divide my time between this amazing creature and family and friends.. tricky.. Especially when it is my mum’s birthday… I’m not sure that HW is entirely happy about sharing me…

hooray!

I got an email from my ex today saying ‘sorry, I won’t be able to come to your party.’ And no, that is not the hooray. When I read this email, there was not change of emotion. None. The fact that she couldn’t come would have upset me a month ago and would have really upset me 3 months ago.. Time moves on and so do we. It is a nice feeling to not worry about someone and something that for a period in your life threatened to overtake you. This has made me the happiest I have felt about that saga in my life since she came to visit me 3 months ago..

universal signals

So, a couple of weeks ago I woke up and was over my ex girlfriend.. so I thought.. Then last week I sent an email telling her that I’d be in her town in a few weeks, does she want to catch up.  The response was abrupt and dismissive and I knew then that I needed to push myself on.  So I made a decision and started doing that.  The next day, she asked to be my friend on a social networking site.  A couple of days later a mutual friend emailed me saying what fun they’d had together.  Today I saw a quote from another of her exes in a newspaper (someone who I have an irrational dislike for, I’ve never met the man).  I wonder what the universe is trying to tell me.  Should I not be so rash and maintain contact with this girl?  Or, is it testing my resolve as she has done so often before – strengthening me in case I need it next time I see her.. I guess only time will tell..

health and love

After a(nother) weekend of drunkenness and debauchery i woke up on Sunday Morning feeling terrible.  My lymph nodes were inflamed, my kidneys were sore, I wasn’t in a good way.  When I eventually got to work I made a decision to stay away from alcohol and caffeine for a week, and to eat only healthy, nutricious and delicious foods for that week.  Both are already a struggle.  Last night all I wanted to do was crack open a beer, but held firm.

This morning I had a moment of clarity.  I haven’t had one of these in a long time.  M, my ex-girlfriend, more than my ex really, responded to an email I sent yesterday and I think pushed the final button.  I want to sever ties with her and move on with my life.  I don’t think I’ll see her when I visit my hometown in August.  For someone who was my best friend and girlfriend 3 months ago, it is a drastic turnaround.  She has been blinded by her own ideas and desires and completely trampled me in a stellar show of apathy.. I don’t need that, i am walking on.

Ferris Beuller

How to live your life?

Ferris Beuller had it right. “Life goes pretty fast, if you don’t turn around sometimes and look at the view you might just miss it” – or something like that..

It is so easy sometimes to take the easy route and chill and not get involved. But, that is a surefire way to miss all of the fun. I’ve done that a little bit this week. Trying to look after my physical health, I have played tennis, swam laps of a pool, gone for a run, and gone to bed early.. but.. ‘Da boys’ have gone out on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights on the tear and I am feeling a tad like I’ve missed out.. sure, last night I had a great night in bed with my ‘wife’.. but.. When you hear the stories about what life was like ‘outside these four walls’ on the other nights you feel a little left out and a bit like Cameron from Ferris Beuller’s Day Off.. No one wants to be Cameron. So.. tonight, I AM going to the pub, and I am having a laugh with the boys.. no question..